One of the many truths that have been planted deep in our hearts over these past several months is the fact that we will never be “at home” until we are physically in our heavenly home. While I know this to be true, and have reminded my dear husband of it many times, I find myself balking at yet another move.
And this move is an answer to prayer. Well, maybe not the move itself, but a full time job for Chris is certainly an answer to prayer. But it means putting the boys into a brand new school system. It means packing up our belongings. It means losing a few more boxes along the way. It means finding brave strong souls to load my heavy piano into a truck. It means saying good bye to newly found sisters in Christ. It means searching for another house to live in.
And this time, it means leaving the comfort and joy of living near my parents. Not getting to go shopping with my mom. Or having our Sunday afternoon “dinner and a movie” that we enjoy with them. Knowing that Chris and the boys will miss out on the frequent Wallyball games that they play with my dad. It means missing out on girl time with my mom and my sister, who is moving to Missouri about the same time we are leaving Missouri.
And it’s not like there are no joys to look forward to. We will be living near our daughter. We will get to spend time with my sister and brother in law. We will be reunited with our dear church family. We will be close to our church family in Appleton, who we still love with all our hearts.
So, why am I balking at this change? Am I being stubborn? Am I not trusting God?
I think I am just wrestling with the reality that I am His. It is a submission thing. I am not mine to go wherever I want and do whatever I want to do. I am His, and I get to go where He sends me and do what He wants me to do. The wrestling bit is hard and exhausting. It hurts.
But in giving up the fight, there is peace…
It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. I’m a nomad, wandering this earth until I get to my True Home. I’m thankful that I get to live this nomadic life with Chris. I’m thankful that we have met some amazing people with every move. I’m thankful that even though I don’t understand all the reasoning behind this, I can trust the One that does understand why He is doing what He is doing. He is God. He is good. And I can trust Him.