Trusting His “Abba” Heart

A few nights ago, Chris was reading me a couple of verses to encourage me.  I was irritated with the verses.  Not a “shake my fist at God” kind of irritated, but a “don’t promise me things that won’t happen” type of irritation.  I didn’t want Chris, or God, to get my hopes up, only to be disappointed.

I have no doubts that God “can” do anything, but I have really had a hard time believing He “would” do something for us.  There have been some pretty big things that I’ve asked Him to do (like heal my back), which He has chosen not to do-for whatever reason.  He knows.

But I realized that I have been wrestling with something that I’ve never (or at least in a really long time) wrestled with before.  I woke up that night and the first verse that popped into my head was Proverbs 3:5-6.

Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart,

lean not on your own understanding,

in all your ways acknowledge Him

and He will direct Your path.

He woke me up and whispered to me, “Please-trust me.  You can trust me.  You know you can trust me!”

As I lay there thinking about His words, I realized that I’ve been wrestling with trusting His heart for me.  His “Daddy’s heart” for me.  His longing to hold me and comfort me, to see me light up with joy, to see me running to Him with my aches and fears, and with my dreams and desires.  To trust that He will hold my heart tenderly, and He would never bring me pain unless there was a very good reason for it.

And it makes me so sad that I have held Him at a distance, because I was afraid to trust.  I sit here writing with tears flowing, because in my heart of hearts I know that He is oh-so-worthy of my trust.  I let fear, and not His love, control me.  As dear friends reminded me last night,  “Perfect love casts out fear.”  It’s either one or the other.  And I’m done with choosing fear.  I choose His perfect love.

(In case you are wondering, yes-I did tell Him all this!)

This song is a bit older (sung by Twila Paris in the 80’s), but the words have been echoing in my mind the past several days, and I wanted to share them with you.

Do I Trust You, Lord

Sometimes, my little heart can’t understand what’s in Your will, and what’s in Your plan

So many times, I’m tempted to ask You why

But, I can never forget it for long, Lord, what You do could not be wrong

So, I believe You-even when I must cry

Do I trust You, Lord?  Does the river flow?

Do I trust You, Lord?  Does the north wind blow?

You can see my heart; You can read my mind

And You’ve got to know I would rather die than to lose my faith in the one I love

Do I trust You, Lord?

Do I trust You?

I know the answers; I’ve given them all

but suddenly now, I feel so small

shaken down to the cavity in my soul

I know the doctrine and theology, but right now,

they don’t mean much to me

This time, there’s only one thing I’ve got to know.

Do I trust You, Lord?  Does the robin sing?

Do I trust You, Lord?  Does it rain in spring?

You can see my heart; You can read my mind

And You’ve got to know I would rather die than to lose my faith in the one I love

Do I trust You, Lord?

Do I trust You?

{YES}

I will trust You, Lord, when I don’t know “why”

I will trust You, Lord, til the day I die

I will trust You, Lord, when I’m blind with pain

You were God before and You’ll never change

I will trust You,

I will trust You.

I will trust You, Lord!

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Author: Nichole

There are so many things about life that I want to share with my children, and this is simply my way to collect everything in one place.

1 thought on “Trusting His “Abba” Heart”

  1. I know you have made reference to this being such a basic (first time) memory verse. But there is a reason it’s one of the first things we teach our children. because it is so foundational.
    I am so glad He is bringing you back to his basics and pursuing you with his love.

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