Although sick today with whatever has been floating around our city, my soul is being refreshed.
For the past several weeks, I have been weary. Weary to the point of avoiding people, running out of energy way before the day is done, being in physical pain, procrastinating on decisions simply because I just didn’t know what to do, or if I wanted to do it.
The one thing that I have been craving is time in God’s Word. It is precious to me, and I have been desperate to hear from Him. Today is a mixed blessing. I ache and it hurts to swallow, but I’ve asked Him again, as I have been for the past weeks- “what am I doing wrong? am I in the wrong ministries? where is the joy? what do You want from me?
Today, I’ve had the time to lay here and listen to Him. And yes, He has answered me. It never ceases to amaze me that He does speak to my heart. Today Jethro, the father-in-law of Moses has blessed my heart and reminded me that I can’t be everything for all people. The Holy Spirit used a conversation with my sister to confirm a drastic action that He has challenged me with for the next five weeks. He has used humorous quotes and wise words from a book by Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice Gray to make me laugh. And think. And pray.
Me deepest desire is to stand before God some day and have Him say to me “Well done, Nichole. You have been a good and faithful servant.” But does my life reflect that? Am I investing and multiplying the talents that He gave me?
Even though, in all honesty, I don’t totally grasp the idea that I’m allowed to say no to every request or opportunity that comes my way (I am haunted by a verse that I memorized as a young girl that has been the force behind my decisions for so many years), I am beginning to realize that maybe I should say no to some opportunities and ministries, and yes to others.
Some areas of my life are easier to protect. I don’t often take phone calls or make appointments during the day because I have children doing school at home with me, and being available to them is a priority of mine. The rest of my time….well, honestly, it is first come-first served.
And something needs to change, and I’m not quite sure what yet. I have an inkling about a couple of things that I need to say no to right now, and there are certain things in my life that bring definite joy, so I think He is helping me to slowly figure out which are those He means for me to have on my plate right now, and those that He intends for someone else to take over. My goal is not for my life to be easy, but to be productive. And not my definition of productive, but His. He will continue leading me as I continue listening to Him and following Him.
Today, my bedroom became the setting for Psalm 23.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters, He refreshes my soul.
What a trade off. He took my overwhelming schedule, my dread, my weariness, and gave to me peace and rest. Who can do that but God?
You are good, and what you do is good. Psalm 119:68
It is not even 7:30pm, and I am ready to close my eyes and go to sleep. My heart is full and I will fall asleep tonight praising Him. I could keep pouring out words right now, but my eyes are crossing from being so tired. So, I had better say goodnight!
I do not think I will be giving up blogging quite yet. We are still waiting for a child to be placed with us for foster care, and I love having this way of sharing what God is teaching me…it is one of those things that brings a sense of peace and joy. So, thanks for hanging in there with me!
I will be starting a month-long series within the next couple of weeks…I’ll tell you more about it next time!