The past couple of days have been sobering to me. I wish that dying to myself came easy to me.
It does not. Not even close.
And there is nothing like the beginning of a new school year to remind me of that harsh truth.
Since Monday, I have been working on chore charts, schedules, school rules, and trying to get this coming school year in order. (To celebrate this week’s hard work, I am rewarding myself with putting out our autumn decorations!)
Yesterday, I told my friend that I was getting overwhelmed with the simplicity that my life was going back to, after this summer break.
Every morning, I wake up early so that I can have some time alone with God and His Word.
Then I take my shower, wake up my kids and get their breakfast.
Then, we start school.
And we don’t stop until our day’s work is done.
And then I make supper.
Then, I look over the next day’s work.
And then I go to bed.
Do you see what I mean? Simple. And yet, for me, it is sometimes so very hard.
These are the days of limited phone calls and coffee dates with friends.
These are the days of doing the bare necessities of housework.
These are the days of my children.
Don’t get me wrong…I think they are worth every minute of every day. It’s just that sometimes the days get long. Sometimes I am so confused and my brain cannot think of just one more way to try to explain what a predicate nominative is. Sometimes, I just get weary.
This morning, I was reading from Psalm 144, and it occurred to me that this is my battle, this is the place where the rubber meets the road for me, and where I struggle the most. And these words encouraged my heart so much…
Praise be to the LORD, my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.
He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples under me.”
this Psalm ends with David saying…
“Then our sons in their youth
will be like well-nurtured plants
and our daughters will be like pillars
carved to adorn a palace….
Blessed is the people whose God is the LORD.”
He knows my heart and my weaknesses, and I think He just wanted to remind me that everything He has planned for me to do, He will also give me the wisdom, skill and perseverance to do it. And He wanted to remind me of our goal…our hearts desire in raising our children.
So, I enter this season knowing that, like anything worthwhile, there is a cost involved. I’m counting that cost, and determining once again in my heart that I will cheerfully and wholeheartedly take on whatever He asks of me.