My Faith vs. my Frailty

For the past several months, as we’ve been anticipating a move to another city, we believe that God planted in our path the opportunity to school the children using an online virtual academy.

I homeschooled for the first several years, until our oldest was in seventh grade, but as the children’s studies got harder, it became more and more difficult to explain in a way that they understood the lesson. I struggled more and more with keeping to a schedule, keeping the house in order, and generally being a “joyful mother of children”. After much prayer, we felt God freeing us to send the children to a small private school.

We sent the older two to school the first year, and I tried to continue homeschooling the younger two. This I learned from that year~it is very hard to send children to school, homeschool the younger ones, and then do homework with the older children all evening long. That was a very difficult year for me.

The following year we sent the younger boys to the same school. The children have learned much in that environment, and I am so thankful for the teachers that my children had. But the children were getting to the point that they wanted to be home with me, and I didn’t feel the freedom to look for another private school when we move.

So, the whole idea of a charter school really appealed to me. I could have the children home with me, which I really love, and honestly, I see the need for a little more one on one time with my kiddos. And the children would have their own teachers to help them those difficult questions that come up.

We applied for open enrollment, and on April 8th, we received a letter from the state of Wisconsin that the children had been conditionally approved, based on how many children had applied. I believed that God provided this option for us, and I didn’t think I needed to try to plan for anything else. I figured if it wasn’t His plan, He would help me cross that bridge at that point.

Well, we are crossing that bridge. The children are on a waiting list, but not accepted into the charter school system. I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me….or a building dropped on my head. I know I shouldn’t be so surprised, I knew this was a possibility, but I guess I never really entertained the thought.

My first reaction was disbelief. I couldn’t believe that God was asking me to do something that I feel I failed at so miserably at the first time. I cried myself~really, I sobbed myself~ to sleep last night. This morning I woke up with a hint of peace and excitement that maybe God actually knew what He was doing. (well, of course, He does, but I had to admit that to Him)I have to take this one day at a time…trusting that He will lead me to the curriculum that will work best for our family. I have to trust that He is bigger than my small mind and stronger than my weakness. That He has a plan for us, and that His plan is good.

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Author: Nichole

There are so many things about life that I want to share with my children, and this is simply my way to collect everything in one place.

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